THE GREAT WHITE DEER Saturday, June 2nd, 2012
I went to “Snow White and the Huntsman”. I don’t advise it for children because it was extremely dark/scary in some parts, however for myself God definitely spoke to me through it.
I related to Snow White. I feel as though I’ve been trapped in the tower of a castle for so long feeling like there is some evil queen out there trying to pin me down. She doesn’t want me to be beautiful or to see my worth. She wants to suck the life out of my spirit, soul, heart and mind. I used to see only the beautiful and purest things within people, and now I seem to only see the “evil that lies beneath,” because I am fearful of being deceived. I’ve escaped into a dark forest, only there was no huntsman to help me. It was just me, my son, and God. I’ve finally found a safe haven within my mind and heart. It is a land untouched, pure and beautiful, full of birds and animals, that God uses to guide me to His heart. It’s lovely beyond lovely and grows within my being, every day.
The birds wake me up one morning and take to “the special place.” Somehow I knew I’d see him there. It was the perfect meeting place. The water sparkled like a million stars floating in the universe’s sea, the grass was saturated with green, and the flowers bloomed with exploding birth and extravagantly made dresses. In the midst of all this beauty, there he was, “The Great White Deer.” God knew this was the representation of His gentle love that I was searching for. I walked up to him. His antlers were so intricately formed. He was so strong yet so gentle. When I looked into his eyes it was like looking into the face of God. For the first time I considered myself Moses, and all I could do is cry. I touched his face with my hands, laid my face against his, in restful peace.
I’ve traveled alone, yet not alone with God, for so very long. God has used my son as a guiding light to strengthen my spirit and heart along the way. I’ve been given the treasures in darkness and many secrets, but somewhere along the journey due to betrayal and evil pervasion, I lost sight of love. I couldn’t feel it. I didn’t desire it. I just wanted to love my son and God, no one else. All hope I had for humanity was lost, yet my mouth still proclaimed the greatness of the power of God’s salvation.
But everything changed when I looked into His eyes…..when I touched his face. Maybe I just needed to know that the gentle love of God existed, and that my father really was all He said He was. Maybe God desired to show himself to me through a deer so I could “feel His love” verses “Aslan” the great and mighty lion. All I know is this. I desire to be healed from non-caring, non-feeling, this safety shell I’ve created to guard my heart, maybe too extensively; Although it is always wise guard your heart, for it is the wellspring of life. But how do you find the balance? How can you maintain a “heart of flesh” and “guard your heart” at the same time? My heart says wisdom is the key. I have no idea how God intends on healing me, and giving me this balance. But somehow when I looked into His eyes and touched His face, I knew……He is able.